Infinite Crab Meats

• The author's beef with controversial, venture capital-funded rap lyrics website Rap Genius, as discussed in the New York Times
• Rick Ross' love of decadent seafood, and its health consequences
• The emergence of a cottage industry built around collecting pictures of teenage girls with extremely large breasts
• Allegations that Chief Keef was involved in the gang-related murder of fellow young Chicago rapper Lil JoJo
• The campaign to have XXL editor in chief Vanessa Satten fired for posting a controversial Too Short video
• Hot 97 refusing to play local New York artists, like Sean Price, and calling them "minor league rappers"
• Kreayshawn's occasional racist outburst on Twitter
• Sexual assault allegations against Indian-American hipster rap group Das Racist, and Indian sexual behavior more generally
• Brian B.Dot Miller's intense debate with SPIN magazine's Jordan Sargent on whether or not white people should be allowed to write about rap music

Some of the many things you'll learn:

• Why it's impossible to subsist on a steady diet of ramen noodles
• What Geek Squad really does with your computer
• The importance of occasionally looking up at a woman's face
• How much it would cost to fap to completion using the Internets at FedEx Office
• Why Totinos pizza rolls are superior to Totinos frozen pizza
• The origin of the term Black People Twitter
• At least two different ways to commit wire fraud
• The best way to talk a girl into letting you "drop a digit" on her
• Why a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell is more of a Taco Bell than a Pizza Hut